An Affair
by Fading into the background
Summary: The repercussions of the Winter War and Aizen's betrayal on Nanao and Shunsui. One shot, unrelated to any of my other stories.


Nanao sighed at the knock on her door. She knew he would come, but she'd hoped it would take a bit longer. She'd even been smart enough not to fake ill, as that would have sent him running to her door three days ago. Instead, she'd just waited until he'd prodded her to take vacation days, like she knew he would eventually, and had for once actually accepted them. He'd been so surprised he'd even agreed when she'd made him promise to really leave her alone if she did what he wanted and took the time off. Given she knew that promise wouldn't last through the whole week.

"Nanao-chan," he cooed through the door. "I know you're in there."

"You promised you'd leave me alone, sir," she called back, setting down her book and unfolding herself from her small little couch.

"I did leave you alone!" he yelled back.

"You promised you'd leave me alone for the duration of my vacation," she said sharply moving towards the door. She knew better than to think he'd leave, but the argument was a necessity in their relationship.

"I did not," he said with an offended tone. "I promised I wouldn't bother you. I'm not here to bother you."

Nanao opened the door a crack and glared at her much taller Taicho. "You are, by your very nature, bothersome," Nanao stated coldly.

"Come on, Nanao-chan," Kyouraku whined. "I've left you alone for three days and in that time no one has seen you at all."

"And that's an issue, why?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"How do I know that you're still doing well if no one has seen you at all?" he asked. "There have been several parties to celebrate the end of the Winter War and you haven't made even an appearance at one of them."

"I've been perfectly content at home," Nanao said with a sigh. The truth was she was having problems even looking her comrades in the eye, let alone partying with them. He reached for the hand she had braced on the door and she moved back to avoid it, letting the door swing open wider. "I didn't know my attendance was required at those parties."

"It's not, silly," Kyouraku said tipping his hat up to expose more of his face. "But everyone would like to see you. Lisa-chan included."

Nanao glanced down at the bag he was carrying in his other hand and groaned internally. Of course this wasn't going to be a quick check in. It was after all only noon, and he was awake and sober despite all the parties that had been happening the past few weeks. "I'm sure there will be more parties for me to attend," she commented coolly.

"You didn't even come by to help your drunk Taicho home the other evening," he pouted.

"I assumed either Ukitake-san or Yadomaru-san would be able to get you home, sir," she said. "Did you want something else, Taicho?"

"I brought lunch," he said holding up the bag in his hand and scrutinizing her casually. "You haven't left your quarters in three days so you must be running low on good food."

"There is no way that I can talk you out of this is there?" Nanao asked already moving aside to let him enter. The last thing she wanted to do was let him in, but she knew it'd be next to impossible to get rid of him without indulging him for a bit.

"Just want to make sure my Nanao-chan is taking care of herself," he said. He shot her a lopsided grin as he slid past her into her entryway.

"I'm a full grown woman, Taicho," she chastised closing the door and following him as he went into her small kitchen. "I hardly need you checking in on what I eat."

"You don't need me to," he agreed. "But I'm missing my Nanao-chan, so let me have the excuse."

"I'm sure you have better places to be," Nanao argued. "Like the office for example. You promised that if I took time off the office wouldn't fall into disarray."

"The office is fine," he said waving her off as he unpacked the food. "You should come to the party the 9th is hosting tonight to celebrate Kensei-san taking the Taicho position."

"Are the Vizards deciding to stay then?" Nanao asked neutrally, reaching for a container of noodles.

"Some of them are," Kyouraku commented and Nanao could feel his eyes burning into her despite his lackadaisical attitude.

"Good for them," Nanao replied. "Do you want something to drink?" She moved over to her cabinets and reached up for a glass only to find a large hand reaching over her head and grabbing a glass before she could get there. She froze feeling him so close behind her. Kami, she needed him to leave. His presence made her want to confess everything, and she didn't see how it could help anything at this point. She shifted subtly so that their bodies weren't touching anymore.

"Is Nanao-chan worried about Lisa-chan?" Kyouraku asked grabbing another glass from over her head.

"Is she in some kind of trouble?" Nanao asked with a frown. He leaned forward to shut the cabinet and Nanao leaned as far forward as the counter would allow to keep as little contact between them as possible.

"No, of course not," Shunsui said, finally moving away from her. "I mean are you worried about Lisa-chan deciding to stay?"

"Why would I be?" Nanao asked turning to face him.

"I was just wondering if that was why you had been," he paused and then continued, "off lately. Rangiku-chan thought perhaps you felt you might be replaced."

Nanao couldn't help it. She laughed. Of all the reason he could have come up with to explain her recent mood, that one was so far off base it hadn't even crossed her mind to worry about. At least it seemed like he didn't have any inkling of what was actually bothering her. The Soutaicho was as good as his word. "Sir, I'm not concerned I'll be replaced," she comforted with a shrug. She turned away to fill their glasses and let herself relax a bit.

"Not even with some of the Vizards accepting their old positions?" he asked moving to set the food on her tiny table in the other room. He often complained about the size and told her she should get a larger one, but as she hardly ever entertained she never saw much of a point.

"Like you wouldn't fight that decision based on fairness alone," Nanao said rolling her eyes. "Besides if Yadomaru-san wants her position back I'll hand it over willingly. It'd be silly to challenge her in one-on-one combat for it. Of course she'd win. Given I'd be shocked if she wants something as lowly as a fukutaicho position. From everything I've heard, all of the Vizards are on a Taicho level with their masks. I'd be more worried about my position if I were you than me."

"I suppose I never thought of it that way," Kyouraku said, grinning at her as she carried their glasses into the room and sat down across from him. "Think she'd challenge me for the spot?"

"You'd like that wouldn't you," Nanao noted with another soft laugh. She hated to admit it, but she'd missed the idiot the past few days. It'd been almost 50 years since she'd gone even 48 hours without seeing him in some capacity. Besides he was always so good at distracting her from her brooding.

"I think I'd make an excellent third seat," Kyouraku answered grinning. "And with Lisa-chan as my taicho and Nanao-chan as my fukutaicho I'd hardly get any paperwork across my desk. Although I'm sure I'd have to accept getting reprimanded by both of them occasionally."

"So nothing would change, except that there would be two people doing your work and yelling at you," Nanao said shaking her head.

"Well that and you'd no longer be able to accuse me of trying to take advantage of my position," he said shooting her a wink. Nanao just rolled her eyes and ignored him continuing to eat. She'd realized long ago that his flirting was pure teasing and had ignored him as such ever since. It'd only been reconfirmed seeing him around Yadomaru-san recently. Where he treated Nanao like something to be protected at every turn, he treated Yadomaru like an equal. Nanao had been shocked to discover at the original victory party, which Kyouraku had been sure she attended, that it still hurt even after all those years of coming to terms with the fact that he saw her as a daughter and nothing more.

"Nanao-chan," he said lightly and all of her warning bells blazed to life. She hated that tone. It meant he was about to go after something and wasn't liable to stop until he got the answer he wanted. "What's been going on with you recently? It's been different since I returned from the war."

"Nothing is going on, Taicho," she said with a sigh. She hated lying to him, but she didn't think she'd be able to stand the way he'd look at her after she told him the truth. The Soutaicho had agreed it was best to keep it under wraps anyway, although he had given her permission to tell Kyouraku if she so desired. "You know I don't like parties. Once everything has calmed down I promise to come out of hiding," she placated with a small insincere smile.

"I'm glad you aren't worried about being replaced," he said watching her over his noodles. "You couldn't be. Not even by Lisa-chan. It's different now."

"Taicho, I'm really ok," she said trying to make her tone as comforting as possible. "Thank you for lunch."

"Will you at least make an appearance at the party tonight?" he asked, bumping her knee with his own under the table. She flinched and shifted back a bit.

"Sure," she said nodding and not meeting his eyes. Agreeing to his conditions was the quickest way to get rid of him.

He sighed and she busied herself with her food in order to pretend she didn't notice how discontent he was. "Nanao," he started and she stiffened at the lack of a suffix. He rarely ever dropped the –chan and when he did she knew the conversation was about to take a turn she wouldn't like. "Is this about me leaving you behind for the Winter War?"

"You already told me that it was the Soutaicho's decision," she said calmly. "Not yours."

"I know, and it was," he said, "but I was wondering if maybe Nanao-chan didn't believe that to be true?"

"Sir, I believe you," she said and tried not to wince at his earnestness. Her guilt reared up again at the thought that he was blaming himself for her odd behavior. For once he hadn't been the overbearing one who had stopped her from stepping out on the battlefield, and yet here he was still taking the blame. "I know it was the Soutaicho's decision. He pulled me aside specifically to tell me he wanted me here monitoring the situation. I know it wasn't you that held me back."

"But it really wasn't this time," Kyouraku said leaning forward and trying to catch her eye.

"I said I believed you," she repeated, fidgeting with her chopsticks.

"But your face and your actions say you don't," he said. Kyouraku pushed his bowl away from him and stood up from the table, moving around her small apartment anxiously and pausing at her bookshelf.

"Kyouraku Taicho," Nanao started. "I honestly believe you. You've never made it a secret before when you've tried to keep me off the field. I don't know why you would start now."

"Then why the cold shoulder?" he asked, moving back to the table and kneeling down by her side.

"Taicho, I'm not giving you the cold shoulder. I told you I just don't like parties. It'll be business as usual as soon as the celebrations blow over. I'm not concerned with Lisa-chan staying if she decides to, and I believe you when you say you didn't keep me from the field. Everything is fine."

"Everything is not fine," he argued reaching up to touch her cheek. She pulled back before he made contact. He dropped his hand reluctantly. "I know you well enough to know everything is not fine."

"It's personal," she said in a last ditch effort to get him to leave her alone. He was a nosey busybody, but generally if she truly wanted him to leave something alone he would.

"What is?" he asked seriously.

"Look, Taicho, the Winter War and the truth about the Vizards made us all reevaluate things," she said shuffling further away from him and abandoning their lunch. "I'm just coming to terms with that is all. It has honestly nothing to do with you."

"Then why won't you let me near you?" he inquired reaching for her.

"What are you talking about?" she asked maneuvering around his hands. "I never let you get handsy with me."

"You never let me get overly handsy with you," he corrected. "Now it's as if even my presences makes your skin crawl in disgust. What did I do? I swear I'll fix it, only this time I honestly don't know what I did."

"You didn't do anything. You're imagining things."

"Then let me hug you," he challenged.

"I don't see what that will prove," she argued crossing her arms in front of herself defensively. It was true that they'd hugged in the past. They'd often been the source of each other's comfort in private, but now it was different. Now she knew she'd sully him just by letting him close.

"It would prove that you aren't angry with me," he said. "If it isn't me, then let me help." Her taicho spread his arms wide and she stared at them for a moment contemplating her options. Finally she stiffly moved into his embrace and patted his back as he held her close. His warmth engulfed her, and she roughly suppressed a sob that bubbled up at the kind touch. She didn't deserve to feel sorry for herself, and she didn't have the right to be comforted either. "Tell me what's wrong," he murmured into her hair. "Let me put it right."

She shoved him away from her and grabbed her glass with a shaky hand before escaping into the kitchen. She turned the faucet on high and stuck the glass underneath it trying to calm herself down before facing him again.

"Nanao, please," he pleaded from the doorway of her kitchen. "Tell me what's going on."

"I said it was personal so drop it," she said glancing at him over her shoulder.

"It's personal and it has to do with me?" he asked not moving from his spot.

"It has nothing to do with you," she repeated shutting the water off a bit too harshly.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" he asked.

"I'm not," she defended and turned around to find him standing right in front of her.

"There was another thing Rangiku-chan said," he started carefully, looking at her much too intensely for her liking.

"Oh?" she asked, reminding herself to kido blast the hell out of the woman the next time she saw her. Rangiku liked nothing more than to tease her and play with her personal life. Most of the time it was good-natured, but she occasionally overstepped her bounds. They were definitely friends, but it wasn't like Nanao was sharing the intimate details of her life with her. They were just too opposite to be much more than casual friends. Hinamori Momo had actually been the person Nanao was closest too out of her limited circle of friends.

"She thought maybe you were worried about Lisa-chan," Kyouraku said tilting his head to the side and watching her reactions.

"I thought we already covered this," Nanao interrupted pushing him aside and heading back to the table.

"Well she thought maybe if you weren't concerned about her taking your position you might be concerned about something else being taken away," he said slowly.

"And what would that be?" Nanao demanded getting agitated and wanting him out of her quarters now. The more he pressed, the more her guilty conscious just wanted to confess everything and get it over with. Let him hate her.

Kyouraku leveled his gaze at her and then frowned. "Rangiku-chan speculated that maybe you thought I was interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with Lisa-chan."

"And why would I care one way or the other about that?" Nanao asked genuinely surprised. It wasn't that the thought hadn't crossed her mind before, but she wasn't sure why he thought that was what was upsetting her. He'd had tons of messy affairs before and she'd never gotten involved. She wasn't about to start acting like a jealous girl with a crush now. Then a random comment she'd overheard the other day floated to the front of her mind. "Oh, kami," she breathed looking at him in surprise. "I'm not upset. You and Yadomaru-san are free to do whatever you want."

"Nanao-chan, there isn't anything between the two of us," Kyouraku explained quickly, trying to comfort her. "If that is what this is about you can rest assured that Lisa-chan and I are just friends."

"Taicho, I am only going to say this once so listen closely. I am not a lesbian, and while I respect Yadomaru-san and yes idolized her as a child, I have no interest in a romantic relationship with her," Nanao stated turning pink. People had always theorized about her adoration of Yadomaru, but the gossip had gotten particularly bad with the ex-fukutaicho's return. Even in the 8th Nanao hadn't been able to avoid people gossiping about what would happen between the two of them. Most of those people didn't have the purest of minds.

Kyouraku's mouth dropped open in shock. "I didn't say you were."

"But you thought I was upset that you and Yadomaru-san were in a relationship," she blurted, hating that she'd been put in yet another uncomfortable situation due to gossip.

"I thought you were upset because you had feelings for me," he said surprised, "Not Lisa-chan."

"For you?" Nanao asked. "What gave you that idea?"

"Are you serious?" he questioned. "You seriously don't have any feelings for me?"

"You're my taicho and my friend, of course I have feelings for you," she explained frustrated. "But I'm not stupid enough to get upset by your amorous entanglements. Kyouraku Taicho, I'm not an idiot. I put this to rest ages ago. I know how you feel about me, and there is no need for you to be careful of any ridiculous feelings I may have."

"And how do I feel about you?" he inquired darkly.

"I know you see me as a daughter," she said. She tried to keep the bitterness out of her tone as she collected the remnants of their lunch, since it seemed no one was interested in eating anymore. "I'm not some silly little thing you picked up in a bar and need to let down easy. I know your flirting is teasing, and I stopped letting it bother me years ago."

"You've sure got me all figured out," he said, and the anger in his tone made her glance over at him. His expression was relaxed, but she could see the rising storm in his eyes.

"What are you upset about?" she demand. "Look, whatever silly notions Rangiku-san put in your head, it's not an issue either personally or professionally. I know where we stand, and like I said I'm just not a party person. There is nothing wrong between us."

"I fantasize about you," he stated suddenly.

"What?" she asked shocked.

"Would you like me to fill you in on the more sordid ones I've had over the last couple years?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked thrown for a mental loop. She set the lunch bowls down and stood properly to face him.

"I do not think of you as a daughter," he clarified meeting her eyes steadily. "Or if I do, I'm one sick bastard. Where did you get the idea that I saw you that way?"

"You treat me like one," Nanao said startled into telling the truth. "Always teasing, but never actually acting on anything. Always protecting me from harm and chasing off any potential suitors. Always dating random women and taking them to bed with little care as to whether I found out or not. You gave me no reason to think otherwise."

"Nanao-chan, I didn't act on anything because you never gave any definite indication that you wanted me to. We're in a tricky situation. I wasn't sure if you thought of me as just a friend, or a father figure, or a superior officer or what. I flirted to give you the opening and you never took it. As for the protection and the suitors, I didn't want to see you get hurt, and I certainly didn't want you with anyone else, let alone someone who wasn't even good enough to begin with. And please, tell me, when was the last time you saw me bring a random woman out on a date or home with me? It's been years. Almost a decade in fact. Years in which I've aggressively been hinting to you that I wanted something more if you'd have me."

"This isn't funny," Nanao said quietly, feeling like all the air had been compressed out of her lungs. Whatever joke he was trying to play, it was cruel, and she'd never known him to be cruel before.

"I'm not laughing," Kyouraku answered seriously.

"Two years ago," she started and then paused, wondering how they'd come so close to the heart of the real problem in such a roundabout way. "Two years ago I walked in on you."

"Walked in on me what?" he asked furrowing his brow.

"You invited me out to dinner, remember?" she asked, getting angrier as she had to re-account it. How dare he make her admit her feelings when he wasn't sacrificing any of his own. "One of those silly flirtations as always. Said that if I changed my mind after I had already turned you down that I could come by your home later. Well I did change my mind. Thought maybe he's serious. What could it hurt? So I came to your house, the back way like I always do when I need to visit in order to keep the gossip to a minimum, and you were already in your hot springs having sex with some other woman. Needless to say I got the point pretty quickly. Decade, ha. You couldn't last a month without sex."

"Nanao-chan," he said moving towards her and she jerked away nearly tripping over the table. "Look I don't know what or who you saw but it wasn't me. I'm telling you the truth. I haven't been with anyone in a decade, I swear."

"Of course, you haven't," she said with a snort. "Whatever. It doesn't matter one way or another. Look I don't care who you are sleeping with. I'll come to the party tonight if it will satisfy you. Just leave."

She started moving towards the door and his arm shot out in front of her stopping her from moving any further. "Nanao, whoever was in my hot springs that night, it wasn't me."

"So someone broke into your backyard and decided to have sex in the hot springs of one of the strongest Taicho's of the Gotei 13," Nanao theorized lifting an eyebrow. "Somehow I doubt that."

"It's not like I carefully monitor my friends and family when they are in my house," he said fiercely. "It could have been my sister and her husband for all I know. Either way you must not have looked very hard because it wasn't me. Not that there is any way for me to prove that now. Maybe if you'd confronted me at the time I could have solved the mystery."

"Confronted you? Like what? A jealous lover?" she demanded. "I had no right."

"You had every right," he growled. "Nanao, kami, I've been wanting you to have feelings for me like that for how long now? And you're telling me that the reason we aren't something more is because you assumed the wrong thing? You had every right to be angry at me that evening. I'd invited you out after all. Why didn't you say something? Get mad, yell, do something! At least then I'd have been able to do something about things. How am I supposed to know what's going on or change anything in our relationship when you just shut down whenever something gets hard or uncomfortable?"

"Don't blame this on me," Nanao shouted suddenly feeling years of hurt and anger roll up inside her. "You flirt with everything. How was I supposed to know I was anything different or more? I grew up surrounded by the gossip of your conquests. What reason did I ever have to believe I was different?"

"I never treated you like a conquest," he said lowly. "I always treated you differently than everyone else."

"And how was I supposed to know that wasn't you thinking of me as a daughter?" she demanded.

"Nanao-chan if I thought of you as a daughter I wouldn't ever have asked you out on dates, or bought you lingerie, or taken every opportunity possible to see you naked," he said. "What kind of father do you think I would be exactly?"

"I don't know," she said throwing her hands up in the air. "A perverted one? Why couldn't you have just said that and been straight forward?"

"You're the smartest woman I've ever met," he said looking at her incredulously. "I didn't think I had to."

"Well you did," she spat crossing her arms as he advanced on her.

"Fine," he said, stopping within her personal space. "I do not think of you as a daughter, nor have I ever thought of you as such. I like you in a romantic sense and would like nothing more than to date you, woo you, bed you, and wed you."

"Are you insane?" she asked startled.

"Maybe," he said with a small grin. "But that is as straightforward as I can be. Oh, and I'm going to kiss you now."

Nanao's brain short-circuited when his lips made contact with hers. It was something she'd imagined for years, so why didn't it feel better? Guilt washed up in her anew and she shoved him back.

He frowned at her, but didn't resist. "You really don't feel anything for me?"

"It's not that," she said and despised the crack she heard in her voice. Everything was wrong.

"Then what is it?" he asked softly. "I was honest with you. Please, return the favor."

"Taicho," she said shaking her head. "You don't understand. You'll never forgive me."

"Whatever it is," he said with a small smile. "I already have forgiven you."

"Not this," she said earnestly. "Kami, not this.

"Nanao-chan," he prodded, "I don't care. Let's start fresh. If you want a relationship with me then we start right now. Who cares about the past? I've had my share of things better left forgotten."

"Not like this. There's a reason the Soutaicho didn't want me in the field," Nanao admitted softly staring at her feet. There was no way she could start anything with this man without first telling him the truth. She could barely face him as friends and co-workers, let alone as lovers.

"What has that got to do with this?" Kyouraku asked obviously confused and frustrated by the change in topic.

"He was afraid of what I'd do if he let me fight," she said softly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kyouraku asked. "You mean because you followed me against him during the Kuchiki fiasco? Why would he hold that against you when he forgave me and Jyuu?"

"No," she said and rubbed at her eyes even though she hadn't started crying yet. "He was afraid I'd take Aizen's side."

"What? Why?" Kyouraku asked obviously enraged. "Yama-jii's done some questionable things over the years, but to accuse you of that-"

"Stop," Nanao said cutting him off. "He didn't accuse me of anything. It was a reasonable assumption given the fact that I'd been sleeping with Aizen off and on for almost two years." Silence rang out after this admission and Nanao wanted nothing more than for the world to swallow her up whole. She'd known he was going to hate her, but actually having it happening was so much worse than she'd imagined.

"You, what?" Kyouraku asked shell shocked.

"When Aizen was exposed as a traitor I knew it would be worse if it was discovered later, so I went in to the Soutaicho and admitted it," she confessed. "You have to believe I didn't know what Aizen was doing. I wasn't part of it, but I understand why the Soutaicho didn't want me in the war. I spent the course of the battle locked up in the Senzaikyu, not monitoring the proceedings as you and everyone else were led to believe. The Soutaicho agreed it was best to keep it quiet for fear of causing further unrest within the divisions."

"You were sleeping with Aizen," Shunsui repeated dumbfounded. Nanao nodded glancing up at him briefly. "But why? How? How did no one know?"

"It was in both of our best interests to keep it quiet," Nanao explained with a sigh. "It's not like we were dating. We were just sleeping together. For me I wanted it quiet to avoid the gossip and, well, you, seeing as you'd not taken well to my suitors in the past. For him, I suppose it's rather obvious now why he didn't want people talking about him or paying him any undue attention, especially you, but at the time he said it was for fear of hurting Momo-san. He knew she liked him and didn't want to hurt her, and I agreed. She's my friend after all. I didn't want her hurt by what we were doing, especially when it wasn't even a real relationship, but he made it quite clear he wasn't interested in her that way so I didn't see any reason to hold back. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement, nothing more."

"So you were sneaking around and having sex with Aizen for more than a year and yet had no clue what kind of character he possessed," Kyouraku stated darkly.

"Don't you dare," she said fighting back tears as hard as she could. "It's easy to look back now and say, oh, I always knew something was off about that guy, but no one knew at the time. I wasn't the only one he fooled, and it wasn't like we engaged in pillow talk or anything else of the nature. I barely knew the man."

"You were _sleeping_ with him," Kyouraku hissed.

"Because he was convenient," she yelled. "He was kind and respectful and didn't want anything from me. And I was the same for him, easy, simple. It's not like we were together every night. I hadn't even been with him for almost two months by the time they left for Hueco Mundo. We'd both been busy, me with the 8th, and him obviously with his own plans. I might have made some bad personal decisions, but I'm no traitor. I didn't know anymore than you did."

"How could you go to a man's bed and not know who he was?"

"How can you take a woman to your bed without any clue who she is? It wasn't any different than your random hook ups throughout the years except that it was consistent. We'd meet, we'd have sex, we'd ignore each other's existence otherwise," she said firmly. "And why am I even defending myself to you right now? I can sleep with whomever I want. If the Soutaicho has cleared me for active duty again, then that's the end of that."

"Must have been a good time to keep at it for years," Kyouraku said bitterly.

"Do you want details?" she asked resentfully. "You can ask the Soutaicho for the official report if you like. I've already had to embarrass myself thoroughly once. I don't have any inclination to do it again."

"He asked you details?"

"Of course he asked me details, sir," she said roughly, trying to block out her embarrassment. "Much like yourself he was convinced I must have known more about the man than I was letting on, and let me tell you it is not fun discussing the intimate particulars of your sex life with the Soutaicho. Especially not when he's trying to discover the real man beneath the mask and thinks you might have the answers. Perhaps you'd also like to know too whether Aizen was into bondage or if he wanted me to say certain things to him in bed or call him master?"

"Stop," Kyouraku said holding up a hand. "I didn't ask that, and Yama-jii shouldn't have either."

"Shouldn't he have?" she asked fiercely. "I was fucking a traitor so I must have known." Then all the fight went out of her and she burst into tears, wiping them away as quickly as they escaped her eyes. She didn't fight when Kyouraku pulled her into a tight hug and tugged her over and down onto her couch with him.

"Shhh," Kyouraku comforted rocking her slightly. "I'm sorry, Nanao-chan. I shouldn't have pushed you. I was just shocked. Of course you aren't a traitor, and of course you couldn't have known any better. He had us all fooled, including the people closest to him. If even Momo-chan couldn't see it, how could you be expected to?"

"How could I not have?" she whimpered, finally voicing what had been floating through her head and torturing her since Aizen's betrayal. How could she not have seen him for what he was?

They were silent for a few moments and Kyouraku waited till her sniffling trailed off. "You can't blame yourself for any of this," he said finally. "I'm sorry my first reaction was what it was, but you have to admit it was a surprise. You said yourself the relationship didn't go beyond sex so how would you have known? I doubt very much Aizen said things like 'I'm going to dispose the Spirit King' when he was trying to seduce you into bed."

"We barely ever talked at all," she admitted quietly, still too ashamed to make eye contact. "Like I said it was just a matter of convenience. Even straight-laced bookworms like me get tired of handling it themselves all the time. It was a simple arrangement and no one got hurt. Well, no one was supposed to anyway."

"And you're sure," Kyouraku started and then paused. "You're sure he wasn't raping you?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, finally pulling away from him and looking up at him in confusion. "I went willingly enough."

"Yes, I know," Kyouraku said and shifted uncomfortably. "But you're sure it wasn't due to hypnosis and his shikai?"

"I don't know," Nanao said frowning. "I almost wish that were true, but I don't think it was. I guess I'll never know, but I think it was my decision. It's not like he went out of his way to set up this arrangement, and he obviously didn't have any intentions of using me in his plans. I don't think I provided any great asset for him to go out of his way and hypnotize me into it."

"Don't sell yourself short," Kyouraku said coolly. "You're very tactical and you know the Gotei 13 inside and out, better than most Taichos. You don't know what he could have wanted from you."

"Be that as it may, we never discussed work," Nanao said fighting down a blush. "Besides setting up times and places, our conversations were pretty much stuck in small talk if they occurred at all. I just don't think he had any reason to try and hypnotize me into anything."

"You said you'd been with him for about two years," Kyouraku said quietly, and Nanao hated that she already knew where this was going. Her taicho was too shrewd not to put the pieces together. "You also said it was about two years ago that you thought you caught me having sex with another woman in the hot springs."

The silence strung out between them and Nanao sighed. "Ask what you want to ask, sir," she said resigned to it.

"Did you go to him because of that?"

"It played a part, sir," she admitted tiredly. "It wasn't like I actively went looking for a hook up. I was just lonely and upset, and he was there. It started out as just a one time thing, and then when we realized it was convenient for both of us it just evolved into something else."

"How did that even start?" he asked. Nanao could hear the clear reluctance in his tone.

"Do you seriously want to know?" Nanao asked, wondering why they were both punishing themselves further. He was silent and Nanao closed her eyes trying to gather her thoughts. "How does anything like that start? It'd been a long day in the office and I had to run some last minute reports over to the 5th division. I got there and Aizen was still working late. We had the normal small talk, and he asked me why I wasn't at some party that was going on that night. One thing lead to another, he kissed me, and then it just sort of happened."

"Small talk about a party and then Aizen kissed you out of no where?" Kyouraku prodded lifting an eyebrow at her.

Nanao took a deep breath and started again, "I may have said something sarcastic about not wanting to go to the party because I didn't want to see your newest woman. He might have then commented that he'd assumed we were in some sort of relationship. When I corrected that notion, he apologized and he said something nice about you being blinder than Tousen. I told him all men must be blind then. He said he wasn't, and when I obviously didn't believe him he kissed me. I was surprised, but he was always kind to me and he was attractive so I wasn't opposed to it."

Kyouraku nodded and stood up from the couch moving haphazardly around the room. Nanao pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them waiting for him to comment. She'd often wondered over the years how he'd react to knowing this secret, and for all that she'd never thought he'd take it well, she'd never counted on betrayal or jealousy to be involved. She'd thought he'd be disappointed in her that she'd snuck around or that she hadn't been a good little girl, but now she didn't know what to expect.

"He was your first relationship then?" Kyouraku asked pausing to look out her window.

"I'd had a couple one-night stands before Aizen, but that's about the extent of anything I could conceivably call a relationship," she said derisively. "I'm not exactly the first girl men choose to date, and that is even without taking into account the fact that most of the men in the Seireitei are convinced you'd kill them if they laid a finger on me."

"I wouldn't kill them. I might maim them, but I wouldn't kill them. And you are always selling yourself short," he said shaking his head.

"You're the only one that seems to think so," she said with a shrug. "I know I'm no Matsumoto with her curves in all the right places and that sunny disposition, or a Kuchiki with all that money and power and fiery attitude, or even a Hinamori with those big doe eyes and sweet personality that begs to be protected. I'm just Ise Nanao, strict paperwork extraordinaire."

"And who made you believe that?" he asked "Aizen?"

"No," she said with a dull laugh. "It wasn't hard to put together on my own. If anything Aizen made me feel wanted. If you want the truth, it was nice knowing that the Taicho all the girls swooned over was taking me to bed at night. He certainly didn't gain any bragging rights in return."

"Did you love him?" Kyouraku asked moving back over to the couch and forcing her to meet his eyes.

"No," she answered simply.

"Not at all?" he questioned. "It's difficult for me to believe you carried on with him for two years with no feelings at all."

"I didn't love him," she said firmly. "I was fond of him. I thought he was a good person and I enjoyed the physical part of our relationship, obviously, but I never loved him."

"How do you know you didn't?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I just mean, if you haven't had any real relationships before," Kyouraku said, "then how did you know you didn't love him? You don't have to be ashamed if you did. No one knew what he was, Nanao-chan. I could see how you could fall in love with who we all thought he was."

"I didn't love him," she repeated annoyed. "I'd have known if I was in love with the man. It's not as if I haven't been in love before."

"Is that so?" Kyouraku asked stiffly. "One of the men you had a one night stand with then?"

"Of course not, you idiot," she said getting frustrated by his obtuseness. "I'd have known if I were in love with him, because I've been in love with you for years and it didn't feel anything like that."

"You love me?"

"It's not like I wanted to," she answered, getting to her feet and going back to trying to clean the table off which she'd abandoned earlier. How had a simple lunch turned into this?

"Nanao, stop," he commanded from behind her, and a large hand came down to cover her own as she tried to collect their chopsticks. She froze, but didn't turn around to face him. "I'm not mad at you for the affair with Aizen, and I don't think you're a traitor."

She twisted around and found herself pressed to his front with the table behind her. "Thank you," she said quietly. "You don't know how worried I was that you'd never want to see me again."

"Never, Nanao-chan," he said bringing his palm up to her cheek, and this time she didn't flinch away. "I can't say I'm not disappointed at the fact that you felt you had to hide this from me for years or that we've wasted so much time being apart, but I'm not angry."

"You'd still?" she started to ask and then stopped and flushed.

"Still?" he prompted

"You'd still be interested in me?" she finished. "Even after knowing?"

"Knowing what? Knowing that you slept with the wrong man? That he was an asshole who never deserved to even breath the same air as you? You think I've always chosen to have relationships with the right people?"

"I don't think you've ever screwed up as badly as this," Nanao said glancing away from him.

"How did you screw up? You said he was kind to you," Kyouraku offered. "He never said anything of his plans to you. No, Nanao-chan, all the badness, that was him."

Nanao felt tears sting the back of her eyes again and blinked to fight them off. "I'm still sorry."

"Don't be," he said sincerely. "I once slept with a woman who turned out to be a gold digger who had poisoned her last husband and killed him. Luckily I figured it out before she did the same to me. When you aren't in a relationship with the person beyond sex, how are you supposed to know who they really are?"

"You didn't answer my question," she accused quietly.

"About whether or not I'd still be interested in you?" he asked giving her a soft smile. "Yes, Nanao-chan, I'm still interested in the woman I've been in love with for years."

"Even when she was sleeping with the enemy?"

"She was sleeping with a man who turned out to be the enemy, and she turned away from him the moment she knew," he clarified with a shrug. "I don't see what there is to blame her for, except maybe not sleeping with the right Taicho who'd been openly proclaiming his love for years."

"You stupid forgiving idiot," she said throwing her arms around him and feeling relief wash through her system. He reciprocated the hug easily and she adored how natural it felt. She'd never have done something as simple as this with Aizen. They'd never sought each other out for comfort. Even over the last two years, when she was upset it was Kyouraku or Momo she went to.

"Nothing to forgive, Nanao-chan," he answered softly. "Now the question becomes do you think you'll be able to let go of whatever you think you caught me doing two years ago? Or better yet, believe me when I say it wasn't me?"

"I suppose its only fair that I give you the same level of trust you've just shown me. I believe it wasn't you," Nanao said resting her head on his chest and enjoying the simple feeling of being held. "It's not like you to be discrete after all."

"Will you go to this party with me tonight?" he asked pulling her closer.

"I still hate parties, so don't plan on me staying all night," she said firmly.

"Was that a yes, Nanao-chan?"

"Yes, it was a yes," she answered.

"I'm going to assume that means you'll date me," he said quietly.

"You don't have to assume," she said pulling back to look up at his face. "If you still want me now that you know, I'll date you."

He grinned down at her. "Nanao-chan, we weren't dating at the time. I didn't have any claim on you, you could have slept with Yama-jii and I'd still want you. I'd question your taste, but I'd still want you."

Nanao just shook her head and leaned back into the hug. They stood that way for a few quiet moments and then Nanao spoke up quietly again. "Shunsui?"

"I like the way that sounds," he rumbled happily, the grin evident in his tone.

"I know I could get strict reprimands for even broaching the subject," she started.

"I like where this is going," he teased and she pulled back to meet his eyes.

"If you ever do choose to betray the Gotei 13 for whatever reason, you tell me, okay?" His eyes widened in surprise and she continued before he could interrupt. "I'd follow you. Don't leave me behind. Aizen I would have turned in, but you, well it's different. My loyalty has always been to you first and the Gotei 13 second. Always."

He reached up to touch her cheek and scrutinized her with serious eyes. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"Of course," she said with a slow nod. "I'd not have said it otherwise."

"Well lucky for you I don't have any plans to overthrow anyone anytime soon," he said with an easy grin spreading across his face. "Too much effort, but I believe that's the best declaration of love I've ever received."

Nanao rolled her eyes and pulled away from him. "Don't expect it to be repeated."

"Nanao-chan," he called stopping her in her tracks as she moved away to distract herself with tidying things. She glanced back at him and lifted an eyebrow. "If Yama-jii had tried to reprimand you for all this beyond keeping you out of the Winter War, I'd have fought him every step of the way. That loyalty isn't one-sided."

She gifted him with a soft smile. Whatever it was that they were starting here tonight, it was so much more than she could ever have hoped for with any other man. Of course they both loved each other, but love was fickle. Trust and loyalty meant so much more, and there was no lack of that here.

"Now put on something sexy," Shunsui said happily. "We have a party to get to in a few hours where I'm going to announce I'm the luckiest man in the world."

"You really are going to actually announce it, aren't you?" she said trying to hide her amused grin.

"I plan to stand on a table to do so," he answered with a wink. For once she didn't reprimand him. Let him announce it, she was done with secrets and shadows.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you liked it. Something a bit different. Love to hear thoughts!**


End file.
